My Addiction
by Darkness Flames
Summary: Kagome's not so happy musings after she left Sengoku Jidai. reviews are welcome. [oneshot]


A/N: haven't written an Inuyasha Fanfic for awhile. if the story sound kinda weird it might be because i wrote half of it a year ago and decided to finish it a few monthes back. either that or i just suck. Oh yeah, before you all start flaming me about my terrible grammer i would like to apologize for that and also that i had to type this on WordPad..which has no spellcheck. anywho, read on!

My Addiction

By Darkness Flames

The bells started to ring as I heard chairs moving and people hurriedly walking out of the confines of the classroom. I mechanically got out of my own chair. I had no consciousness of what I was doing; it was just all a daily routine to me. Everything is like a routine to me. It seems that day by day I'm going more blind because I'm starting to lose sight of reality.

The amusing part is that no one notices, either that or they just don't care. Not my friends Eri, Yuka, and Ayumi. And to think they are known to be my best friends. Not even my family notices. All I have to do is flash them an occasional smile and they're all peachy. I wonder if I was like this back in Sengoku Jidai would they notice. That was over two years ago, and yet they are constantly on my mind like a sickening disease that won't go away. And just like a disease, those thoughts make me feel worse and worse.

Most people probably resort to cutting, alcohol, drug, and all that crap. Those things are so called mediums they are "forced" to use to forget reality. But it's stupid. They do nothing. The pain always comes back; sometimes worse than before. How do I deal with my misery? There is no way. I wake up feeling the dull pain and I go to sleep feeling the same dull pain. And sometimes it seeps into my dreams as well. There is no antidote for the anguish of losing everything.

I may sound like a spoiled brat and selfish and I probably am. You may say I'm blind if I'm not able to see all my loving friends and family surrounding me. But how can they be called my family if they know nothing about me? They don't even notice there is something wrong. They believe I'm fine when this is nothing more than an act. Playing a part I'm not fit to play. Just so I can appease them. In the end my true family is five hundred years in the past.

You're thinking that this cannot possibly be Kagome right? You're thinking this is actually some other sad girl who lost her way in life. The Kagome you know is someone who is selfless and care only for her friends and family. The Kagome you know never hides her emotions beneath a mask of facade. That's the Kagome you know, right? Then you don't know me at all.

Even back in Sengoku Jidai my feelings were never truly realized. Especially my feelings for him. I can't exactly put a name on the emotion I feel. I could't call it love because love is something pure, right? Love is something that brings happiness. But this emotion I felt for him was a pure as toxic and brought me only despair. It was more like a knife, this emotion. It cut through me, slowly chopping away my hope, my joy, my sanity. But in a way I am thankful for this because it cut throught the veil of childish fantasies that shrouded me and showed me the truth behind it all. Never again will I be fooled by sweet lies saying everything is all right. Everything is never alright.

And what about him? What was he like to me? He was my drug, you could say. I couldn't get enough of him. That's why I could never truly leave him, even when he mocks me and calls me demeaning names. I was addicted to him, that hanyou. Everything about him was intoxicating. His features, his eyes, even his smirks. They were beautiful to me and I couldn't get enough. And i wanted more. I always wanted more. But no, I could never have it. Because he is deadly. If I have too much of him I would meet a horrible end. So I tried. I tried to stop. But it was obvious that I couldn't. These battling emotion writhing within me, they slowly and silently tore me apart. I know being with him would never give me a happy ending. But I couldn't stop. Never could I stop wanting Inuyasha.

So maybe this is the true definition of love. Maybe love isn't all that great after all. Isn't love the main reason accountable for the huge number of suicides? Lack of love, unrequited love, forgotten love, they all have something to do with love. So maybe this emotion is love, this horrible sickening pain. So maybe I did love Inuyasha.

But it's all over. The feudal fairy tale has ended without a happy ending, for me at least. But you know what? I can live with all this pain, this heart wrenching misery just because I know I met my love, my one, my only, my addiction.

Owari

A/N: so? what you think? short i know. seems to me that i've been infected with some disease that doesn't allow me to write any long pieces..reviews are forever welcome of course. i really don't care if you flame me but constructive criticsm would be better. and nothing about my grammer okay? thank yous and i hope you had a nice experience reading this story... . ;


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